While I am on the subject of self esteem let me share some interesting musings that I am experiencing right now. I have a beautiful Autistic Daughter (Google Jim Sinclair "Why I dislike Person First Language" before you have a meltdown over my phrasing). She has recently put on some extra weight (ok a lot of extra weight when she weighs more than her brother that is two years older than her). Now, understand that I am heavy so I don't have issues with her weight from the "image" perspective but from the health perspective. You see I have several health issues that relate to my weight and I simply do not want her to experience those same issues.
SO.....
I decide to do something about this situation and begin looking for a program with a physical activity aspect that does not destroy her sense of self worth while teaching her to have healthy habits. Her school actually has one because they are a Girls On The Run Program Site. So, like any "good mommy" I decide to put her into the program. I sign up as an assistant coach because she requires a one-on-one aide because of her autism. This is all good. I am going to be getting myself in better physical shape and enjoying the company of my daughter while helping her to become more physically fit and develop her sense of self-worth.
WELL..........
Now, one of the many things I do is help my husband in his church calling. He is responsible for all of the computers in all of the church buildings for our church in all of Western North Carolina and part of North Georgia. After signing up my daughter for this program, which requires walking/running and prepares the girls for a 5k walk/run I proceed to fall down on the stairs outside one of the church buildings and have a golf-ball sized lump on the side of one of my ankles and a huge scrape and bruise on the knee of the other leg. The ankle is not broken but is severely sprained. The knee is not broken or wrenched but hurts almost as bad as having a baby (I have had 9 so I am pretty familiar with that feeling). SO now I get to take my splinted ankle and my crutches to the first day of GOTR. Of course this will show my daughter that we have to push through adversity and find our inner strength and all that............
EXCEPT.......
It hurts SOOOO BAD that I want to scream, cry or hit something and I DO NOT want to go do this on Monday!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to sit on my BUTT in my BED and FEEL SORRY for myself. I want to sit on my Pity Pot and moan about how stupid it is for steps to be built in a way that, at night, they create an optical illusion of being at the same level with the sidewalk directly in front of you when they are still higher than the sidewalk. It is also really annoying that the lighting in the parking lots at these buildings is garbage.
Yes I want to whine because my ankle hurts and so does my knee and I am like any little kid that gets hurt. But that is not what I will do. I will put on my "Mommy" Face and go out there on Monday, on my crutches and hobble along with my daughter. She is hobbling a little too because a few weeks ago she sprained her ankle while dancing around while watching a video on her dad's cell phone on our stage in the cultural hall of our church after Wednesday night activities. Yes the other thing my daughter is besides being overweight and Autistic is clumsy and she gets all of these lovely things genetically from her mother, THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I am the Proud Autistic Overweight Clumsy Mom of a Beautiful Clumsy Overweight Autistic Daughter! Honesty is such a nice thing.
There is nothing wrong with being overweight except for all those health issues I referred to earlier. One of those health issues is being clumsy and accident prone because of not being able to control the momentum that the extra weight gives you when your body is in motion and the extra weight that you have to "catch" when trying to prevent yourself from falling. So, on Monday, Mommy and Buggy will be out there hobbling on our recovering sprained ankles together in order to try to improve our health, our self-image, and hopefully some of our clumsiness. Watch for my new blog where we will be writing about our GOTR experiences.
Meanwhile this blog will be dedicated to my own personal journey beside the founder of GOTR and her Friend as they experience 60 days of not primping to meet the world's expectations of how a woman should look. Personally, this trek for me is going to be easy because I rarely wear make-up or do most of the primping things they are leaving off. I will have to draw the line at not wearing deodorant because that is not a "woman" thing in my mind. I don't think I want to send a message to my Autistic teenage son that not wearing deodorant is OK considering I just got him to a self grooming point where he will actually put it on every day now. So come join me, Molly and Caitlin in The Naked Face Project.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Greatest Love of All
What happens when a woman, music giant, and mom doesn't listen to her own music? We have a funeral. Today is the day that Cissy Houston buries her daughter. I buried a son a few years back and believe me that is no easy task. Like Whitney my son lost a battle with personal demons that destroyed his self esteem. We don't know if Whitney took her own life yet or whether it was a tragic end to a life riddled with struggles against the power of addiction. My son took his own life.
I loved Whitney's talent. Unfortunately I did not know Whitney so I cannot say that I loved her as a person. I do know that during her marriage to Bobby Brown that life in Atlanta was always interesting when the Browns came home. Bobby created a huge problem for the security of several of the malls because he really did not get (or did not care about), the fact that his little groupies were everywhere and that he could not just go to a mall and have lunch int he food court without creating a security disaster. Whitney never came with him on these little outings and for that I am grateful. You see i worked in one of those malls and if Whitney Houston had made a trip to that mall unescorted and without advance notice to mall security I would have been unemployed really quickly because I would have had to meet her.
One reason this song means so much to me is that it spent it's time at number one on the charts during my very ugly divorce and very beautiful pregnancy with the very same son that has provided me with the ability to have empathy for Cissy Houston right now. The song was written by a wonderful woman that also lost her life, Linda Creed. Linda lost her life to breast cancer which she had battled for years. She died while Whitney's recording of the song was at the top of the charts. Her co-writer, Michael Masser, and Whitney herself had pushed hard, against the advice of Clive Davis, to have the song on Whitney's debut album.
For a song that she wanted to do so badly, one would hope that the message of hope found in Linda Creeds strong words of survival and passing on the strength of what we learn from adversity to the younger generation would have some influence on her own life. For many years it seemed to be that way. Then came the marriage to Bobby Brown, the drugs, and ....well the rest is history courtesy of every rag paper in the country as well as some of the legitimate ones(assuming there is such a news agency any more).
What happened? Did she not listen to her own songs? Could she not hear the strength of the words that Linda wrote and she sang? I don't know. However, What I do know is that when I was going through my own personal struggles it was Whitney's powerful voice and Linda's powerful words that gave me the strength to learn to love myself and discover The Greatest Love of All.
Thank You Linda and Whitney
Heaven's Choir gained a songwriter in 1986 and now it has it's soloist to sing her songs. Although we will miss you both being here to enrich our lives we understand that your work on earth is done and that your talents were required elsewhere. To Cissy Houston I say I know your grief my sister. To Bobbi Kristina I say, Sweetheart, your mom was two years younger than me when her demons took her from you. Please, listen to the song and don't let your mother's demons become yours and if they are already your demons then please get help. Please learn to love yourself enough to lay those demons to rest.
Linda's Powerful Lyrics as sung by Whitney
The Greatest Love of All
I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me
[Chorus:]
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all
I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
[Chorus:]
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all
And if by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love
I loved Whitney's talent. Unfortunately I did not know Whitney so I cannot say that I loved her as a person. I do know that during her marriage to Bobby Brown that life in Atlanta was always interesting when the Browns came home. Bobby created a huge problem for the security of several of the malls because he really did not get (or did not care about), the fact that his little groupies were everywhere and that he could not just go to a mall and have lunch int he food court without creating a security disaster. Whitney never came with him on these little outings and for that I am grateful. You see i worked in one of those malls and if Whitney Houston had made a trip to that mall unescorted and without advance notice to mall security I would have been unemployed really quickly because I would have had to meet her.
One reason this song means so much to me is that it spent it's time at number one on the charts during my very ugly divorce and very beautiful pregnancy with the very same son that has provided me with the ability to have empathy for Cissy Houston right now. The song was written by a wonderful woman that also lost her life, Linda Creed. Linda lost her life to breast cancer which she had battled for years. She died while Whitney's recording of the song was at the top of the charts. Her co-writer, Michael Masser, and Whitney herself had pushed hard, against the advice of Clive Davis, to have the song on Whitney's debut album.
For a song that she wanted to do so badly, one would hope that the message of hope found in Linda Creeds strong words of survival and passing on the strength of what we learn from adversity to the younger generation would have some influence on her own life. For many years it seemed to be that way. Then came the marriage to Bobby Brown, the drugs, and ....well the rest is history courtesy of every rag paper in the country as well as some of the legitimate ones(assuming there is such a news agency any more).
What happened? Did she not listen to her own songs? Could she not hear the strength of the words that Linda wrote and she sang? I don't know. However, What I do know is that when I was going through my own personal struggles it was Whitney's powerful voice and Linda's powerful words that gave me the strength to learn to love myself and discover The Greatest Love of All.
Thank You Linda and Whitney
Heaven's Choir gained a songwriter in 1986 and now it has it's soloist to sing her songs. Although we will miss you both being here to enrich our lives we understand that your work on earth is done and that your talents were required elsewhere. To Cissy Houston I say I know your grief my sister. To Bobbi Kristina I say, Sweetheart, your mom was two years younger than me when her demons took her from you. Please, listen to the song and don't let your mother's demons become yours and if they are already your demons then please get help. Please learn to love yourself enough to lay those demons to rest.
Linda's Powerful Lyrics as sung by Whitney
The Greatest Love of All
I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me
[Chorus:]
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all
I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be
[Chorus:]
I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all
And if by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love
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